George Carlin, who passed away yesterday deserved better than this lightweight, lame obituary in the local news. Ignoring completely the brilliance of his comedy and the intensity he brought to every performance, this wimpy obituary (brought to us by the puppets at “Central Florida News 13,” who serve as little more than shills for Bright House Networks) instead wastes three whopping four sentences they gave him by alluding to problems with drug abuse and heart disease. Of course, heart disease is actually what killed him, so that part’s not objectionable, but by focusing on just his drug abuse (the obituary mentions drugs twice) the reporter has made it clear he wasn’t much of a fan. Shame on you, CFN 13. Go suckle on Bright House’s teets some more — aren’t there some more people in Central Florida you can brainwash into thinking cable is better than satellite?

For George Carlin

If you were right about what awaits you in the afterlife (i.e. nothing; there is no afterlife), I’ll do my best to preserve your memory and keep in mind what you tried to teach all of us during your acts; if you were wrong and there is a god of some sort, I’m sure you’ve already kicked it in the balls and asked it some very hard questions — keep it up! Thank you for all the laughs, and for all the moments of awkward discomfort when you challenged people to think about things that made them uncomfortable. There was too much shittiness in the world for you to fix single handed, but dammit, you did a lot, and you made the world a better place. There’s a hole now following your departure from this mortal coil, and we are all diminished in your absence. R.I.P., man! May your voice always carry on telling us like it is in our hearts and minds!

For you, the weather’s always going to be pleasant from now on, so it doesn’t matter that you don’t have a weather map

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