As much as I loathe marketing and advertising in all its forms, I must admit the folks being paid to drum up interest in the movie Hamlet 2 have done a good job — they picked one relatively small aspect of the film that was likely to really piss off the religious nuts enough to start rattling their sabers, and they highlighted that part in most of the trailers.

The “offensive bit” itself — the song Rock Me, Sexy Jesus — occupies a whopping 3 minutes of the movie’s running time, and isn’t the dirty, innuendo-laden shot across Christianity’s bow you expect given the title. In fact, within the movie, it’s more a song of praise than of insult, and I’m laughing my ass off at the folks claiming the film is blasphemous. You can immediately identify anyone who hasn’t actually seen the movie: anyone who is pissed about Rock Me, Sexy Jesus and doesn’t mention a thing about Raped in the Face is a mindless tool just parroting the criticisms s/he’s overheard from other wankers that haven’t seen the movie.

The song appears during the performance of the titular play, a sequel to William Shakespeare’s Hamlet, in which the lead character doesn’t die, but is instead rescued by Jesus and his time machine; he then goes back in time to save everybody that would otherwise croak at the end of Hamlet. As the play’s author reckons — doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance?

The play is stupid. That’s the point. It’s aiming for “so stupid it’s funny” or “so bad it’s good” territory, and it hits the mark; amidst the insanity of the show itself is a strangely impressive message about forgiveness. Yes, the movie takes some jabs at the kind of people who typically protest/boycott movies like these, and bluntly, those people deserve it. When you don’t like some performance, movie, song, or writing, that’s fine; you’re even welcome to complain about it. It’s when you try to stop it being published and distributed, though, you’ve crossed the line. Nobody’s holding a gun to your head or forcing this stuff down your throat. Switch off your television (or change channels), close that book, take out the CD, and move on. Forcing your opinions or beliefs on others is crap, and always has been, and that’s why you deserve the ridicule you get.

The rest of the movie is quirky and funny throughout; the usual dull pacing most comedies acquire in their final half hour isn’t present here. I’m not entirely able to explain exactly why this is, but for Shannon and I the single funniest moment of the movie comes from an unexpected spot in the middle of the film: the protagonist has just started trying to write his new groundbreaking play, and has just suffered his first dose of writer’s block. He’s shown trying various things to shake the block, but ultimately he ends up staring at his computer. That’s when we meet his cat — it’s just calmly sitting there watching him. Then we notice he’s staring back at the cat. Finally, he looks straight at it and asks “what is your fucking problem?” in a slow, exacerbated voice. We laughed for 2 minutes straight after that, and even now as I recall the scene I’m chuckling enough that I worry I might awaken my buddy who’s asleep on the couch next to me.

The movie gives the classic lesson that, despite being taught and demonstrated over and over, never seems to be heard by the assholes that long to censor everything they hate: the more you complain about a movie, song, book, or blog, the more attention it ultimately gets and the more widely distributed it ends up. If you morons would quit whining about blasphemous movies, they wouldn’t do as well. But thanks to dipshits actually calling for a boycott of this comedy, more people ended up in the theaters to see it this week.

Technorati Tags: Humor Movies Religion

• The world would be a better place if Billy Mays would stop shouting to try to sell his assorted wares.
• Try a fun experiment the next time you watch television (assuming you don’t have a DVR of some sort): during an hour-long program, mute the television any time an advertisement appears, and time how long your television is muted. Tally it all up at the end of the hour. Think about how awkward all that silence was, and when you’re done shaking your head at the amount of time wasted by ads, get a DVR (or stop watching broadcast television altogether). Enjoy all the extra free time you now have.
• “Your own remodeling show on HGTV!” is a really shitty top prize for a reality show. Sadly, a show with that very premise is currently airing its second season.
• When the Cheaters crew turns up when you’re out on a date with someone you’re cheating with, firmly proclaiming your innocence is a very bad idea. They never move to the “confrontation” phase of their shtick unless they’ve caught you on tape doing naughty things. Denying it at that point just makes you look even dumber than you already do.
• Next time you move, don’t just shove everything you own into boxes and take it with you. Go through every corner, every drawer, every cabinet, and every other spot in your home and throw away everything you haven’t touched since you moved in (exceptions: legal documents, medical records, financial records, and genuine family heirlooms and keepsakes). When you’re done, go through everything again looking for more trash. By the time you’re done, you’ll have fewer things to pack, fewer boxes to move, and you’ll be able to use a smaller vehicle to move it all.
• Wear a dust mask when you do all that — it gets everywhere.

Technorati Tags: Humor