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I’m entirely unwilling to try to hide my giddiness as I recap the current standings in the 2008 Democratic Primaries: Hillary Clinton has lost. At this point, even if the two states that disqualified themselves by holding early primaries had all their votes counted at the Democratic Convention, she still wouldn’t have as many delegates as her opponent, Barack Obama, which means she still loses even if she gets Michigan and Florida counted. It’s done and over.

Clinton supporters can troll and boast all they want, but there’s just no even remotely plausible way for her to win the nomination short of Obama suddenly dropping out of the race. This opinion piece sums it up nicely, though: Hillary Clinton has firmly and defiantly reminded us all that she has “every right” to continue running in this race until a winner is decided. She absolutely does have that right. But she’s still a fucking idiot for doing it at this point.

Her campaign is skipping out on some of its rentals in spots. She promised not to campaign in Florida, then did it anyway once her opponents made the same promise (they honored their promises though). She cried on national television to try to win the female vote.

The worst thing anyone can “dig up” on Obama is the random rantings of his church pastor. Dumbass Americans, who actually had the chance to ask a presidential nominee a question about American policy pissed away their chance to ask intelligent questions by “wondering” why Mr. Obama’s wasn’t wearing an Official American Flag Pin(tm) on his suit (note: those stupid pins are made in China, morons) and spreading stupid internet chain letters claiming he’s a “closet Muslim” who was sworn into office with the Koran (a question for all you bible-thumping, god-fearing, flag-waving Americans who fear Muslim “terrists” — have you ever met a “closet” Muslim? Doesn’t your stereotype of a Muslim include rabid devotion to his faith?).

I digress. We have our nominee, and his name is Barack Obama. This bullshit to figure out who it was going to be should have ended months ago. McCain, the “decorated war hero” (two points: first, ever notice how everyone who survives a war is promoted to “hero” status? Second, since when did “getting shot at” or “served in the military while the U.S. was at war” or “got something blown off/up/apart during combat” automatically qualify a person to run our government?), has been sitting on the sidelines, laughing his ass off while the Democratic party fractures itself from the inside.

People are so pissed at Bush right now (he’s got lower approval ratings than Nixon did after he got caught!) that the Republicans had to be scared shitless last year that there was no conceivable way for them to retain the White House. Of course, then the new Congress of Democratic Pussies(tm) was installed, giving them some hope (really — the Democrats overwhelmingly reclaimed Congress in the 2006 elections but they have failed to do anything productive or corrective since they were installed). Now, Hillary Clinton has just handed them a good chance at winning the fucking White House again (thanks for that, you egocentric fool). People aren’t quite as sure now whether to vote for the bat-shit crazy and largely spineless Democrats (even if Obama is their leading man) or for the war-mongering, going to get us all actually killed Republicans (whose latest presidential offering produced the worst presidency in the history of the United States).

Dammit, Hillary, get the hell out of this mess before you completely derail it. I’m trying to root for your fucking team, I just don’t want you in charge. Get the hell out of the way and start supporting the damned winner. This was over months ago, and watching you flail isn’t very entertaining anymore.

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