It’s an odd moment when you stop to think that, for a certain group of people in this very country, Valentine’s Day could be a seriously risky proposition, even resulting in a participant landing in prison just for trying to join in.

In good ol’ Alabama, you can cheerfully walk down the street selling semi-automatic weapons, beer, and ammo (the good ol’ American pastimes), but [insert-your-favorite-deity] help you if you try to sell someone a dildo.

This means all those romantic Alabamans (heh, why does that pairing of words make me chuckle?) out there enlightened enough to want to buy their partners (male or female, though I think homosexuality is another seriously risky proposition in that backwards state) can actually go to jail for it.

What’s the real motivation here? Do lawmakers in Alabama firmly believe sex toys are just used only by gay men (hence the ban is an attempt to stop them from finding dirty toys to play with)? Do they think women don’t deserve to have orgasms (“real” men don’t give their girls orgasms … their women just lay there and take it, grateful for the opportunity to be a sex object)?

Does a dildo, or set of anal beads, somehow destroy the sanctity of a marriage? Does a husband, wanting to give his lawfully-wedded wife an entirely different sensory pleasure experience, deserve to go to jail for trying to employ modern tools?

In Alabama, he apparently does. I’ve got one good friend who lives (or at least lived) in Alabama. That single person is, so far, the only good ever to come out of the place. Otherwise, expect concentrated evil from that “charming” little place and its people.

Her kisses left something to be desired: the rest of her.