1,000+ Laid Off Bloggers Need to Learn to Code

Well, it's a great start at least! Fortunately, just one article reporting on 1,000 laid off clickbait writers didn't cover all the news. Vice is laying off 250 more useless bloggers, and Buzzfeed isn't just laying some people off -- it's falling apart at this very moment! Buzzfeed Mexico is completely shut down, 50% of Buzzfeed's British branch has been laid off, 25% of its Australian branch is gone, and its laid off employees are now openly accusing it of laying off predominantly LGBTBBQ+ employees (which makes sense, since it seems that's all they've actually hired for several years now).

While I'm dancing a happy jig watching the clickbait industry collapse before our eyes while shedding its dead weight and reading all the requisite whining and moaning that comes with learning they've been interchangeable cogs with no real value in an uncaring machine all along, I'm also relishing all of the ridiculous fallout from these events.

In the past week, many people around the world have delighted in reminding these assholes of the times they told other people suffering from layoffs that they should just "learn to code" because their coal mining ways are antiquated and their old jobs are never coming back. Shocking no one, these temporarily embarrassed millionaires have been whining non-stop about this "vicious harassment," because naturally they're thin-skinned idiots.

Also shocking no one, Twitter showed the world its ass and declared the phrase "learn to code" is abusive, because of course they did. Yes, they are now banning users for offering legitimate (if not a little tongue-in-cheek) career advice to laid off workers -- advice those very same workers gave to laid off coal miners a few years prior:

Fortunately, this isn't Twitter and I'm free to mock these insufferable bastards mercilessly.

A post on Kiwi Farms explains these layoffs beautifully from the perspective of these entitled dolts:

And then, an old rich white guy in a suit comes down from his mansion, says "Nah," takes his money and goes home. It turns out that you aren't special. You were never special. You are indistinguishable from a million others just like you, with the exact same opinions, style, speech patterns, and quirks. You have made no impact on the world. You existed at the whim of some old white dude, the same man you railed against and whose time you claimed was over, and now, without him, you have nothing. He doesn't know you exist. He will never know, nor will he ever care. He may have his secretary write up a brief statement about how sorry he is about the situation, and how much he feels for those who will now be seeking new opportunities elsewhere. He will not read it. You are a written off investment. You didn't make his bank account larger, and now he will put his money elsewhere. In flying cars, perhaps, or robots. Somewhere where you will never get to touch it.

The only way to get by now is to beg. You're too proud to call it begging, but it's what it is. Begging. You have created nothing of value, and no one will miss your contributions to the world when you stop. You refuse to let yourself think about the different choices you could have made, years ago, that could have prevented you from being in this position now. You are right. You are always right. How could you be wrong? It is the world that is unfair. It is everyone else that is the problem, not you. It has to be everyone else. It couldn't be you. The old man's money should be yours. You won't cry, damn it. You won't.

I've waited a long time to see this bubble collapse, and it looks like it's finally upon us. All the smug, arrogant, overpaid bloggers out there who thought they could tell us how to vote, what to think and what (not) to say are, at this moment, groveling for new work elsewhere and standing in the fucking bread line like every person they ever mocked for losing their jobs.

Learn to code, you pricks. You reap what you sow.