Git Gud, Scrubs

Gaming journalism is an utterly worthless industry, rife with contempt for the audience it writes for and possessed of an entirely undeserved air of elitism and entitlement.

Eager to talk down to, lecture and scold the average gamer, when the average industry hack isn't complaining about male toxicity, sexism, racism or (my favorite) "gamer entitlement" you can find them whining about some of the most idiotic things ever uttered about video games. Things like this stupidity:

It's no secret that gaming journalists aren't good at playing video games1. You'd think that'd be a requirement for the job, but no. These CNN rejects are all too happy to pontificate on the subject of games for a living without even the slightest hint of actual skill. I guess it's true that you don't really have to be an expert in a subject you're covering, but let's be honest -- if you want information about a gun, and you can choose between a gun enthusiast and a guy who played laser tag once, which one are you going to be more interested in listening to?

This kind of article always gives me a hearty chuckle for two reasons. The first is that it comes from an industry that openly attacks its own readership, calling gamers "entitled" and lecturing at great length about how gamers aren't "entitled" to any favors or even acknowledgement from game developers. Seems like they feel entitled to an "easy mode" that lets them sail through a game so they can squirt out a schlock-filled review quickly and move on to their next woke rant about male toxicity.

The second, more important reason is that it reminds us just how badly gaming journalists suck at the games they write about. They're poor players, unskilled and unwilling to put the time in to practice and hone their skills. They want an "I win" button that skips all that pesky "challenge" and "gameplay" to get to the meaty, satisfying cutscenes and closing credits. They're pretenders, posers. They demand the approval of the same crowd they openly display contempt for and get very upset when they don't get it. You can almost hear them screaming "but we're your betters!"

It absolutely burns these people up to be told they need to practice and improve their skills in order to beat a game. The very concept of self-improvement to overcome a tough obstacle is offensive to them. They hate being reminded that they're not very good at their jobs and they're not respectable (or respected) and they especially hate the mockery that gamers (rightly) heap on their industry.

That hatred ends up producing whiny screeds like the above article. It's paragraph after paragraph of kvetching about how hard the newest release by From Software is and pleading "couldn't you just make it easier for me?" to a company renowned for its difficult, punishing games.

It's not as if these writers actually feel compelled to finish the games they review. They're not ethical people to begin with. It just bruises their ego when they can't instantly conquer one of those "children's toys" they write about, and it's a delight to watch them squirm in their seats about it.

Remember, every time you see one of these overpaid lunkheads moaning about game difficulty, just tell them: "git gud, scrub." Rub it in their face that even a quadriplegic can play the game (very) well. Then sit back and watch the steam fly out of their ears.

1 I find it adorable that the description for this video spins a yarn about how "it's totally a joke, really you guys, we're not really this bad at games, honest!"